Connecting Parentally (Part 3 of 3)
Where are we and where are we going?
What is going on with our kids, with “this generation” and what are we doing to help them be the most compassionate and helpful and curious and self reflective and confident generation that are the changemakers? After all, the name Generation Alpha apparently means "the start of something new, not a return to the old".
You’ve read that it’s dire. You’ve read that male teens and young adults lack empathy. And that sex is more violent and addictive than ever. You’ve read that girls are finding ways to diagnose themselves with the next trend of psychiatric disorders. And not just girls- all of us! And when we do seek treatment, our kids can come out even more traumatized than when they started if the provider isn’t ethical (Unfortunately, I have heard these stories pretty regularly).
Maybe you even read that we are talking too much about mental health! You remember what our parents used to tell us: life isn’t fair, lighten up, work harder and to not to be so sensitive (and by the way, through our own lived experiences, we also learned what not to tell our kids! (… and for the flip side, I was quoted in this AARP article that us Gen Xers are in fact getting along better with our boomer parents now that we are older!).
So……..What are you gonna do about it? Two Excellent books that have some great guidance were published in 2022 and 2024. Girls on the Brink by Donna Jackson Nakazawa and The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. Both authors give specific ideas on what we as parents can do to provide the consistent, predictable, loving, and empowering parenting we need to be to provide safety with independence…Stability with fun…Rules and expectations with trust and love and compromise.
Both authors speak of the higher depression and higher anxiety our kids are experiencing and how our technological lives, along with the way we communicate within our families, impact our kids. Some highlights include:
- Don’t grow your children up too fast. Monitor what they are exposed to so they remain developmentally at age.
- Implement intentional screen time limits starting as early as 18 months of age
- Encourage more independence and less parental supervision
- Consider smart phones after high school begins and social media access after 16 years of age (both books describe the biological necessity of keeping their development slow, with slow exposure to mature material, not fast)
- More playtime
- More real life experiences in nature, with routines and with rituals
- Prioritize, bedtime, and implement technology free bedtimes
- Don’t be the evaluator of your kids
- Don’t work out your own crap out via your kid (that’s what your therapist is for!)
- Learn how to listen (one of my favorites! If you are not sure how to be a better, impactful listener, ask me for some quick tips!)
- Know how to say sorry
I did a couple of videos on parenting this month- even about losing your temper. if you missed them, you can find them here and here. And if you missed the first 2 parts to the parenting blog, they are here.
I am sorry for so many emails! Ill write again in January with a couple of ideas for being intentional in 2025 with your own goals this year, and then with the list of books I pulled out of my bookcase in 2024. After that, I'll try to leave your inbox alone for a bit!
Celebrate yourself this holiday… honestly… you take care of so many others. Take care of you too.
Happy Holidays,
Lynn