Connecting Autotelic(ly)
I learned a new word.
Because somebody recommended a book to me by Andy Clark, I have been learning more about how our experiences predict and often determine our reality. The book encourages people to appreciate experiences for their own sake—without depending on how they feel about the outcome.
What if you were able to experience things not based on your past experiences, your predictions and perceptions, but simply with the experience??? “If you could step back from the emotions tied to (an) experience, how would you describe it purely as an experience—separate from any judgments or expectations?”
This reminded me of what my colleague Santiago sent me last month. Those of you that remember Santiago DelBoy’s 2021 study about what makes therapy quality therapy, he published a 2025 update this year, which reiterated the below:
the freedom that psychotherapy can offer is not founded on the ability to eliminate the challenges of being human, on the prospect of pure happiness or unlimited peace, or on the promise of not caring about our relationships and the world around us.Rather, it is a freedom that allows us to embrace our full lived experience, to get acquainted with the intricacies of our inner world and the corners of our history, to recognize and find meaning in our wounds and our scars, to break from long-standing positions that leave us feeling stuck or disconnected, and to find, create, and reinvent ourselves from within.
(He re-empathized the 4-part Framework. This 4-part framework overlays what is most important to the public with the strengths and benefits offered by therapies of depth, insight, and relationship, and identifies the messages that should comprise the core of communication strategies to the public. The four components of the framework are: (1) Basic Must-have: “Feel Heard.” The core message is that therapy is a place where you will be heard and understood without judgment. (2) Key rational benefit: “Change and Choice.” The core message is that therapy can help you change old patterns of behaviors, thoughts, feelings, and relationships to make new choices in your life. (3) Key emotional benefit: “Worth It.” The core message is that therapy is worth the effort, the time, and the investment, because you are worth getting to know and to grow. (4) Most differentiating factor: “Get to The Root.” The core message is that therapy is a way to increase self-awareness, self-understanding, and get to the root of oneself and one’s issues.)
In therapy, we often “dig deeper” into reasons behind negative outlooks and how they play out, so you can begin to recognize these patterns and take steps toward shifting your perceptions/predictions. Basically, stopping negative thinking and replacing it with more balanced, realistic, and even positive ways of interpreting the world. Reframing. Shifting your outlook. Things we talk about all the time in sessions.
This led me to look up what you would call someone who enjoys life as a process, and without expectations or motives. Autotelic. Someone who is autotelic has internal motivation, concentration, a positive attitude towards challenges, and a clear sense of goals and feedback. I also was thinking about ways that therapy can support someone on this path or that we even currently do together!
- Finding activities that align with your values and long-term goals and not just short-term enjoyment.
- Taking time to reflect on your emotions so that you’re not internalizing or avoiding difficult feelings. Self-awareness of both positive and negative emotions is important for your growth. We often talk about getting comfortable with discomfort.
- Stepping outside your comfort zone to experience new challenges or looking for opportunities that will help you grow. Are you challenging yourself enough or avoiding new experiences? (Way back in 2010 I wrote this blog about how “happier people take risks”).
- Are you staying aware of the needs and feelings of those around you? Are you embracing your autotelic self with strong, empathic relationships and connections?
- You may even be OK at immersing yourself in the present, but also consider where you want to go in the future. Reflecting on your life’s path so far and whether you’re truly experiencing these lived daily experiences while working towards your goals.
With techniques like identifying your thinking patterns, challenging those patterns, and developing healthier perspectives (using CBT, mindfulness, emotional regulation, etc) I watch you reframe views, build self-compassion, and create changes in your perceptions and predictions of yourself and your world.
Bringing it back to the book, Clark says the mind doesn’t just receive information—it predicts and then creates our experience of the world. To be considered highly successful (as this article on 21 habits of successful people suggests) use Clark’s idea to actively engage with your environment. Instead of waiting for things to happen, take action and shape your experiences.
Look at challenges as an opportunity to evolve and explore unfamiliar environments, realizing that discomfort is a path to growth.
Some of the points above are referenced in this article!
While you can be successful at some things like technical skill, competitiveness, or ambition, the ability to self-reflect, go outside your comfort zone, have experiences without relying on your past perceptions and current predictions, but simply for the intrinsic reward, for fulfillment… how “easy” success might come.
And remember…like we talk about in therapy all the time, things are nuanced. The difference between success and meaningful success often lies in the depth and quality of the achievements, as well as the impact they have on both you, and others around you.
Success can be defined as achieving a desired outcome or reaching a set goal. It’s often measurable, external, and results-driven. This could mean things like a high-paying job, a successful business, winning an award, or achieving recognition for a particular skill. The focus is typically on personal achievement, financial gain, or status.
Meaningful success, on the other hand, goes beyond just achieving a goal. It’s about the quality of that success—how it aligns with your values, brings you a sense of purpose, and positively impacts others.
For all of the reasons, I wish you a successful spring!
Lynn
