I am my toughest critic. It took me a lifetime to figure that out, but yet it still doesn’t stop me from continuing to be just that. I am also quick to recognize self-critics in others, especially in my clients who are often given my own special diagnosis of “hard on yourself”. I am fortunate because my clients are willing to be reflective with me, and work towards change and practical solutions.
What about those out there who only add fuel to this inner fire? I thought about this as I read another article about attachment parenting. Another article about how parents are fixing everything for their kids so their young adult children are then lacking in coping skills and resiliency and consequently find that anxiety overwhelms them regularly. Parents are providing so much these days: Sports, lessons, tutors, electronic games and gadgets, transportation, spontaneous treats and anything else they can provide. But are they providing quality time?
Ill never forget when, as a new mom, I read that young children only need 10-15 minutes a day of good quality time. Whew, did I breathe a sigh of relief. Because whether it’s the walk to school or the tucking in at night, or making time to sit and really talk (and listen!), ten to fifteen minutes was all I could find in my day. I still strive to find that time. Because driving them to practices or rushing around with other mundane chores does not build relationships. But my closed laptop, phone-less, genuine listening, thoughtful guidance and focused attention are what shuts up my inner critic. And if I can be that person for all my clients, I can certainly find 10-15 minutes a day for my sons.
