Connecting Parentally (Part 2 of 3)

Are you a young adult or the parent of one? It’s not surprising that we are reading and hearing about generational differences, generational patterns, and boundaries. We’ve been empowering our kids and now what… “Failure to launch” became a common term only 20 years ago and of course there are young adults who are confused and unsure and stuck with big feelings over what to do next.

David, Ellen and I have been helping those in these situations for years. Ellen expanded on some of that below.

Do you remember when we thought childhood, adolescence, and maybe the transition to college were the most important hurdles in our children’s development?

Do you remember when an undergrad degree still meant that a young adult could land a job that paid(almost) enough to cover their rent, food, and their social lives?

Those days may-or may not be-over for some of us. Despite their chronological age, our adult children haven’t, literally, had time to develop according to the age-stage trajectory we expected.

Social media (even emailing, our mainstream venue) influenced how we, AND our children learned to communicate. Its “remote” venue cut that vital cord of nuance and interpretation we need and our children really need to foster healthy relationships.

Remember when we learned as kids to identify the “main idea” through context clues in a reading passage? Without context clues like facial expressions (emojis don’t really count), tones of voice and body language, our kids began experiencing anxiety and depression we, as adults, may not have recognized. They’ve struggled to interpret messages without knowing if those comments are friendly or hostile. That void of context provoked our kids to isolate years before COVID-19 forced them to.  This twofold recipe to “stay in place” may be impacting our now adult youth in numbers we never imagined.

So let’s step in, not away from them. Let’s meet them where they are at to rebuild structure and emotional resilience into their lives. It starts with words you may be tired of hearing but this is another phase in which they’re more valid than ever: Unconditional love, empathy,..and guidance. That’s the foundation they need to move forward, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly. After all, we’re still their parents.

What do they want from us? The same things they always wanted. Don’t forget how much your own parent’s voice still rings loudly in your head at times. Be the voice that loves, excepts, guides and support. Be the voice you yourself would want to hear.  (Here are some reminders of what NOT to do!)

How? We can help.  Empowering you to do the best you can, and also treating yourself with compassion and grace.  This is not easy.  Parenting never is.

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