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Are we happy again? Are you?
What is happy?
In 2010 I wrote my first blog, and coming back to this, post-COVID, post life changes, post so many changes for all of us, myself included, does it still ring true?
Within a week of each other, the NYT published two articles this year that talk about the 7 Keys to Longevity, and the 10 Ways to Support Your Mental Health These are very very similar articles. Are these the ingredients to be happy?
Are we accidently causing more unhappiness by talking about happy too much? Becoming aware of upsetting thoughts and ruminating absolutely is detrimental to happiness. Potential clients call me and want to know what “strategies” I bring to the session to help solve problems. Heck, that is even all over my website, that I am “practical”! But what really works for my clients, for our clients, is our alliance. Do you feel we get it? Do you feel we get you? THIS is what brings our clients closer to that happiness bar when the therapy “works”. Our experience and personalities and openness and curiousity and clinical skills are so much more crucial than the 100 strategies we will inundate you with as hurdles and speed bumps and conundrums and disappointments and heartbreaks and wrongdoings and…. life itself happen.
Ellen Lazar helped me with this article last fall about love and happiness https://lynnzakeri.com/connecting-with-love-and-happiness/.
David Krzysko, my associate, helped me better understand happiness even more. He says:
Happiness is fleeting, as is sadness. The concept of happiness is not a goal, it is the biproduct of living with purpose. Even our Declaration of Independence is founded on the protection of the pursuit of happiness. The creators of the document were correct in recognizing that the concept of the pursuit is what could be seen as the single most important purpose in our lives. You could ask yourself “why am I not happy?” and you could then start doom scrolling to try and find out why. Simultaneously, dopamine surges through your body sending you signals telling you that are experiencing happiness. Another question you could ask yourself is “how can I feel happiness more often in my life?” That would be a fair question to ask yourself! There is an abundance of information out there telling you what to do, or what you should do, or how to live your best life, or telling you what is best for you, but we continue to rightfully ask ourselves: Can anyone else tell you what it takes for you to be happy? People can make suggestions for you, but no one truly knows what motivates you to make you pursue something you are passionate about or interested in. Therein lies the journey we are all on, the path to discovery, to find out what gives us a sense of meaning. If that is being accomplished, ideally, we are able to attain happiness more often than not…
One thing that is talked about in this book The Pursuit of Happiness is our purpose, our meaning. David asked Ellen Lazar and I if our work as therapists is our job, our career or our calling. If we are in fact doing what our purpose is, does that make us happy?
Even us therapists have to do our own work to grow. What I do know is that being at peace with joy and love and purpose and… connections help me feel “happy”. What helps you?
